fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
