i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
