Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
