You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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