When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
