its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
