it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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