Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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