I'm drive I can fine osifer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
