these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
