My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
