I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
