also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
