I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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