3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
