If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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