Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
