you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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