Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
