There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ketchup is God's man juice
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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