My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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