found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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