aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
