Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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