girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out mid-signature
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
