You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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