Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
