You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
