i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
