We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
