If that was your dad, he is hot
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
