She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
