i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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