drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
