walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just gift wrapped bread.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
