you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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