Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
