Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
