We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
