Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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