Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
