Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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