wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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