Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I touched a dick in church today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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