One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
