i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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