the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
