My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
