im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
