It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Text me some of your sweat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
