Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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