He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
