If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
