if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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