Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
