Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize