just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
