i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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