if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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