i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
