I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
