pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
