Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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