I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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