it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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