i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
