It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
