Michael Bay diarrhea
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
