I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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