Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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