What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
