Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
