If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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