im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
