Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
