Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
