It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize