I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
