We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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