Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
