so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
