So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize