My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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