i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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