i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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