she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
