I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
