dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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