i think i scared a bird with my dick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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