I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
