We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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