i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize