after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
