Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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