mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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