I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize