He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
