my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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