I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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