He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize