i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He felt like a one man threesome
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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