No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
