I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
