I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Randomize